Crash and Burn
by Lily Evans Potter Black Lupin
Summary: It is a sad fic about Tohma and Mika


So I've been looking around this gravitation fan fiction area and I noticed that what we really need is more Tohma Seguchi and Mika Seguchi stories. So I wrote one of my own.

It is a sad ficlet, I'm sorry! And it's a one-shot

Crash and Burn

April 6th 2002, the day my life , my love was destroyed

It all began like any other day…

"See you later Sakano-san, take care of closing up business tonight ok?" Tohma walked out of the NG studios, happy to leave the place and be able to get home earlier to Mika and Hoshiko, his beautiful star child.

"Don't worry Sacho, I'll make sure everything is in order for tomorrow!"

Tohma smiled at Sakano's eager wish to please, he was a good man, it was really too bad he hadn't yet married he would have made a responsible father.

As he walked away Tohma heard a loud crash and a wail, "on second thought, he'd probably drop his child on it's head, thank God he doesn't have a child!"

"Hey Tooooohma!" a teasing voice called out, the voice could only belong to one person

'_Oh no, here comes the only person who is even clumsier than Sakano_!' with a slightly strained smile Tohma turned around and was promptly glomped.

"Shuichi, get off of me now."

"No problem Tohma! I'm just sending a huge hug to my favorite niece-in-law. I haven't seen her in a while; you should bring her around more often! How can I be a good Uncle if I hardly see her! Then because I'm so bad an Uncle she'll start to hate me! WAAAH!" Shuichi's eyes had begun to tear up at the prospect of being hated had now become a full-fledged waterfall with the sound effects that would drive a saint insane.

"There now Shindou, you know that's not true! You just saw Hoshiko yesterday, Besides you see her so often that one of her first words was your name." That was still a sore point with Tohma, Hoshiko had said 'shu' before 'dada' it had been totally unfair, just because Shuichi had more time to spare than Tohma didn't mean that Tohma didn't care about her.

'Ow, toooohma, stop squeezing my shoulder so hard you'll break it! You're mean!"

'Ugh' Tohma would never understand Shuichi's mood swings the best thing would be to divert the man to a topic he most cared about.

" So how's Eiri-san, Shuichi? "

" Uum…he's fine I think…"

Tohma found Shuichi's reticence rather suspicious, '_I don't know if I want to know what_'s _happening between them_.' His curiosity got the better and he asked the inevitable, "What happened between you two?"

"Oh Tohma I didn't know you were such a pervert! Asking me those kinds of things! Really now!"

'_That baka'_ Tohma fumed a bit and finally ground out, "that is not what I meant you idiot."

The final wail was cut off at it's beginning by one glance of the patented Seguchi glare.

" I asked you a question answer it, why are you not sure, more to the point what did you do this time?"

Making a small grimace which he covered quickly with an exuberant smile shuichi answered as only he could, "Yeah, about that, hmmm…I don't know, actually, I was telling him all about my day when I found myself sitting outside the apartment door. I guess Yuki got mad at my awesome powers of conversation, so as of yesterday I've been kicked out."

Tohma couldn't understand it, normally Shuichi would be wailing his ass off about how Eiri didn't love him and how he needed to be near Eiri, Tohma was so put out that he blurted out, "how can you be so calm about it?"

Shuichi stared ahead and gave a small smile, "Because I'm sure in his love for me, he kicked me out so that he could finish, not because he hated me, I've learned this now. Tomorrow or the day after I'll return and everything will be fine between us, in fact this way we both get a bit of space and time to think."

Tohma gave a small snort, "Well forgive me for being surprised at your new found maturity, but every time it happens, and it has happened often in the five years you've been together, you have been a crying wreck each time."

"I have haven't I? Yes, somehow before, I was always unsure of Yuki's I mean Eiri's love but I have decided that if we've lasted this long against all kinds of obstacles we'll survive the next ones. I'm not going to keep adding low self-esteem to my list of faults, I don't need the added stress and Eiri has always reassured me that he does love me even though I get on his nerves at times. Hehe, I think that the real reason is that I've grown up Tohma; I've stopped being a child. It's so strange how it happened, but really what has helped me figure up that I needed to grow up was your daughter,"

Tohma was flummoxed by this sudden serious thought process that Shuichi had demonstrated that he missed his opportunity to be cutting and sarcastic,

As suddenly as the seriousness had come it went and they were back to the old happy go lucky Shuichi, "Hmm, na no da Tohma! I have to go Tohma, Hiro and Ayaka are giving me a ride to my temporary flat, give a hug to Hoshiko for me, tell her I'll see her soon, see you tomorrow! bye-bye!" With that shuichi ran in the direction of Hiro's sport's car.

Tohma shook his head, _'I'll never understand him, he almost seemed like a responsible adult.'_

As he got into his car an ambulance raced by him and he felt sorry for whoever was inside it. '_Thank Kami Mika is at home with Hoshiko!_'

As he got out of his parking space and turned on the radio station the words he hear next chilled his heart. " A red Ferrari was run over today by a drunk truck driver. The victim was carrying no identification; it is however believed that she is Mika Seguchi wife of music industry magnate Tohma Seguchi. As of now no one has been able to contact him. The paramedics have been unwilling to disclose on her condition though one onlooker has reported that she seemed to be in critical condition. She is being taken into Intensive care. "

Tohma had barely heard the words red Ferrari and suspected Mika seguichi when he accelerated at top speed towards the hospital. The maniac driver that approached the hospital was nothing like the normally responsible driver Tohma was.

He ran the steps towards the waiting area of the hospital where he found two policemen at the entrance filling out forms.

"Are you two on the case of the drunk driver and the red Ferrari?"

The frantic manner in which Tohma approached them and the way his eye;s seemed to search them cased the officers to squirm. The younger officer introduced himself giving his name which Tohma promptly forgot and after a second of mentally arranging his next words he said: Uh.. sir, we have tried calling you to request your presence in identifying the victim, but we have been unavailable. I must warn you the sight isn't pretty, she is hooked up and covered in third degree burns that she received when the gas tank exploded.

"Goddammit man, just take me to the room, please, it could be my wife!" Tohma had little hope that the woman would be someone else.

With a nod the other policemen led the way to the IC room that the victim was being treated in.

In the room they found a doctor and a nurse checking the pulse and making sure everything was stabilized. Their body's shielded Tohma from viewing the horrible injuries that she had sustained. Tohma caught sight of a face covered in gauze that only left holes for the eyes and mouth.

When the doctor and nurse moved aside, Tohma as if in a trance moved towards the bed, he began to shake, he didn't want to look, yet he needed to, slowly he lifted the cloth that covered her torso and there it was, the birthmark shaped like a star. Dropping the coverlet, Tohma threw himself at the bed and began to sob violently.

" Mika, my love, don't you dare leave me! Don't leave me behind you hear! I need you Hoshiko needs you! Stay with us!" sobs wracked the normally stoic frame, "Oh Mika! What were you doing my darling, my life? Where were you going? Oh kami! Please take my life instead, I beg you! I'm not strong enough, I can't live without her!"

The people present were moved by the raw emotion and one by one they left the sobbing man alone.

* * *

Tohma couldn't believe what was happening, his beloved Mika was battling between life and death. She should never have been in the position, never! '_Mika it's not fair, I can't continue alone, I can't function without you, please stay here, don't move on.' _Out loud he cried and shouted out for her, for justice for life, until his voice could no longer be raised and he was too tired to cry.

He sighed and placed his hand on hers. He stood there for what seem hours looking at what was his beautiful and kind wife battling for life. The tears continued to role quietly down his face. His once rosy, flawless skin that seemed to shine with an eternal boyhood had aged incredibly, his eyed were blank, he looked horrendously transparent and gray, and lines of sorrow had etched themselves permanently on his face.

Suddenly a soft pressure on his hands he looked towards the face he had known so well, and now was covered in gauze. They eyes remained closed yet the mouth seemed to be trying to tell him something.

He choked up a bit, "don't move Mika, don't exhaust yourself more, just rest, please," and still the mouth moved.

Tohma put his ear to her mouth, all he could make out was a faint, "I love you….I'm sorry" then the weak pressure on his hands released him and the machines began to screech wildly.

And again Tohma found himself uncontrollably shaking and crying. Medics rushed in and one of them, a middle aged woman who had seen a lot of death and knew of the strong toll it could take on the relatives put her arms around him and tried to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Seguchi, There was nothing we could to the burns did a lot of damage and there was nothing for us to do but to put salves and give painkillers to assuage the pain. I'm truly sorry for your loss. You must look forward now, there are many people outside looking for you"

She led him outside to where there were people looking for him and trying to find out how Mika was, the news of her death had not yet reached them.

As they moved out of the doors Tohma was taken to a seat by a strangely subdued Ryuichi. " Tohma we are all worried for you and Mika, are you alright, do you want to go home now or are you going to wait for more news?"

Tohma laughed harshly at that,

"what news? Haven't you heard? I've let her down, my love, my life is dead, dead you hear! It is the price I've had to pay for all my sins!" and with that he collapsed into a sobbing heap.

Those who had known and loved Mika cried for her, they couldn't believe that she was gone. Her brothers, both who had received the news stoically also began to cry.

The quiet grief was shattered by the strangled sound that began to emerge from Tohma, He had gripped Ryuichi's hand, " I…I couldn't protect her… I who have vowed to protect those I love… I've f...failed her so miserably, If I hadn't been so involved in work, I would haven home and this would never have happened. I is all my fault, all mine!" Sobbing he let go of Ryuichi and buried his face in his hands.

* * *

Later Tohma wouldn't be able to say what had happened next with great clarity. All he knew is that a strong pair of hands had led him out of the hospital. He would come to find out the Shuichi had taken him to his flat and had stayed by to make sure Tohma fell asleep and didn't do anything against himself.

Eiri and the rest came by later to make sure everything was all right and to report that everything at the hospital was taken care of. When everybody was satisfied that Tohma would be all right for the night, they all left feeling depressed. Mr. K had lingered but had decided that his presence was not needed and helped usher everyone out. Only four people had remained, Eiri, Tatsuha, Ryuichi and Noriko, Shuichi had left to pick up Hoshiko from her grandfather's house, where Mika had left her earlier that day, before going out on that errand that would take her life,

Eiri watched over those that had stayed behind. Ryuichi and Tatsuha were both sitting noiselessly with the occasional heaving of soundless sobs from Tatsuha. Noriko had bloodshot eyes that betrayed her crying. As she noticed that Eiri was watching and brooding, she said sadly, "I can't believe this is real." Eiri averted his eyes because he also couldn't believe this horrible day. He felt guilty; this was after all his fault. He had ignored Mika's calls because he was busy and couldn't be bothered with having a conversation with anybody. The next thing he knew he was receiving a frantic call from Shuichi telling him that he had heard that Mika was taken to the hospital. He found out that the place where the truck driver had crashed into her was on the way to his apartment, therefore it was his fault all of it.

He looked at the door, he needed shuichi.

As if on cue, the door opened to reveal Shuichi carrying Hoshiko and behind him was Eiri's father. Shuichi smiled wanly at Eiri "I'm back Eiri, Your father wanted to come over to see Tohma and the rest of you. I'll go lay down Hoshiko next to her father, I'll be right back"

Einishi walked over to Eiri, and clapped his shoulder, his voice wavered," He's a good boy Eiri, You've done well for yourself." Eiri took this as a peace offering and he hugged his father for the first time in years. "Oh Eiri, I miss your sister, my poor darling child."

Eiri's voice broke as he answered that plaintive statement. " I know father, I miss her also. Believer me when I tell you that I miss her just as much as you do. Yet I think that there is someone who is greater need of comfort than either one of us."

Einishi's eyes became shrouded, "ah yes, Seguchi-san, that poor boy what will he do? Mika was always at his side ever since they were born. They've always been together." Tears began to make its way down the old man's face. Where blustering and bellows hadn't earned him any love from his son this sudden show of emotions had melted more of Eiri's rancor against him. " I think it's best you went to bed father, tomorrow we will discuss what we will do next."

Eiri led his father towards the bedroom adjacent to where Tohma was sleeping. "I'll see you in the morning father. Rest yourself"

Just as he stepped outside the room he has subjected to a strong embrace, by an extremely upset Shuichi. Eiri stayed still for amoment and then he wrapped his arms around the now trembling Shuichi. No words were passed, they just continued in this reassuring embrace.

Shuichi was the first to move apart. He looked up at his beloved's face and peered intently, as if memorizing his features. Eiri stayed silent. And then quietly he said, " it's my fault you know." Shuichi's face showed no surprise at this turn of events. He calmly refuted Eiri's comment. " No it isn't, Eiri, this is not your fault, It was just an issue of being at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Tears started to roll down Eiri's face, "You don't understand Shuichi, it was my fault she was coming to see me since I hadn't answered the phone, She wouldn't have been out on the streets at that precise moment if I had just taken the time to answer her. I've told you Shuichi, I end up betraying those who love me. "

" No Eiri, It was her choice to go out, It was unfortunate that the trucker had decided to drive while drunk, It wasn't your fault, It wasn't her fault, It was a freak accident, and dear Mika was unlucky to be caught in the middle of it. Don't keep blaming yourself for the death of those around you. It is not your fault, grieve for them, but don't pile their deaths upon your conscience, it isn't healthy and it isn't the truth." With that said Shuichi hugged Eiri close. "Now, let's go get everyone in a bed, they'll need their strengths these next few days." With that said Shuichi turned around and went to the closet area in the hallway where he started to pull down linens and bedspreads. Eiri followed his example and gathered some too and headed out toward the living room. The three there had fallen asleep so Shuichi opened up the two sofa beds and together he and Eiri carried the sleepers to the beds. They lay Noriko down on one, and put Ryuichi and Tatsuha on the other. Then they covered them and finally made a makeshift bed with the extra bedspreads for themselves.

* * *

Shuichi was the first one to wake up the next morning. He frowned as he remembered the previous day's tragedy. Sighing he placed a soft kiss on Eiri's cheek and picked himself up and went to the kitchen. He would make breakfast for everyone, and in the process he would calm himself down. As he approached the kitchen he realized that there was someone already awake, and that someone was crying his heart out.

Tohma didn't know what to do, here he was perfectly safe while Mika was dead. Hoshiko had been asleep next to him and even though he loved his baby girl he could barely look at her, she looked so much like her mother it hurt to even look at her.

As he cried Tohma was aware of a slight scraping of wood on tile, without looking up to see who it was he ground out, "what do you want?"

There was no answer except for a hand coming to rest on his shoulders. Tohma looked up to see who it was and was met with huge violet eyes that were intently peering at him.

"Shuichi please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to anyone just yet." Tohma shrugged off Shuichi's hand as he sat up straight in the chair.

"Tohma, I know how horrible you must be feeling, Heavens knows how I would feel if something happened to Eiri, I'd wish the ground would open up and let me die. But you have little Hoshiko to take care of, you have to get yourself together for her sake. Don't forget that she is dependent on you, you are her father and she needs you now more than ever."

Tohma couldn't believe he was getting the talk about responsibility from no other Shindou, "Look Shindou, I don't want to talk about moving on, I know my responsibility to my lovely child, but right now I can't even look at her. "

Tohma was shocked to hear the next thing that came out of Shuichi's mouth. "I know it's not easy Tohma, and I really think that you should get yourself together, but I was thinking that maybe Eiri and I could look after Hoshiko for the next few days while everything is being prepared for Mika's burial"

"Yes, I would be very grateful for your help, but there will be no burial for Mika." Tohma heard himself say all this but he didn't comprehend what he meant even as he said it, and by Shuichi's reaction he understood even less.

"What do you mean their will be no burial? Tohma it won't do you any good to keep Mika's body around."

" No Shindou, I won't keeping Mika's body around but I want us to send her burning into the ocean as they did in olden days so as to set her free in death as she was in life." Tohma was shocked at his own decision but at the same time he was relieved, he couldn't countenance piling dirt on top of Mika's body, encasing her, imprisoning her.

* * *

Two days later Einishi oversaw the Funerary arrangements to make all the right offerings to god to make sure his daughter's soul would rest peacefully and free among the ocean waves.

Tohma found himself strangely calm holding his daughter's hand as they set Mika's funerary pyre afloat. Hoshiko didn't understand what was happening and so she stayed quietly wandering when her mama would come back.

Tohma looked around him, those present were people that Mika had loved and cared for in life. He was glad that Mika had been given her final farewell among the people that loved her best.

* * *

A year passed and Tohma no longer went to work. He had put Sakano as acting CEO while he stayed on as a silent financial partner. He stayed home to take car of Hoshiko who still wondered at times when her mother would return home.

There were many changes in the Seguchi household that year. One of them was that Suguru had moved in with them. Allegedly because his mother had kicked him out of the house because of his decision to become a full-time musician and leave school, but what he really was doing was keeping an eye on Tohma. Another one was that Tohma's house had become the central meeting area for everyone. Eiri and Shuichi were the ones who were there practically everyday in the afternoons, while Suguru finished helping Sakano at NG Studios. Shuichi mainly went there to spend time with Hoshiko and thereby leaving Tohma and Eiri free to talk privately and without interruption. Tohma was often surprised at Shuichi's maturity and he mentioned it to Eiri a few times and he only received a sad smile as an answer. Ryuichi and Tatsuha were there also as often as they could be, but as they had moved to California now, they were only there for a few days every month.

* * *

On the day that marked a year since Mika's death Tohma decided that he would have to go through Mika's belongings and separate them. He would figure out what he would give of her to her father and brother's and what he would keep to leave for their daughter.

A he began to pack Mika's clothes he remembered occasions where she wore each one of them.

The white summer dress, "Tohma dear are you sure I don't look like a marshmallow?"

There was the midnight blue, "Tell me I look devastating!" she had worn that dress when she told him she was pregnant.

Then there was the crimson dress, "I'm showing your fans that they can't compete with me!" She had worn it to his first concert all those years ago.

Suddenly he felt his heart constrict and all he could think of was the pain and how he couldn't breathe. And then he felt the release and the blackness swallowed him.

* * *

When Shuichi came into Tohma's house all he heard was the wailing of a child. He rushed into the bedroom where it came from and he found Hoshiko sitting next to her father calling him amidst her cries.

Shuichi rushed forward to pick up Hoshiko. He called the hospital and called Eiri asking him to meet him at the hospital.

When Shuichi spotted Eiri entering the waiting room, he rushed him weeping, " I couldn't do anything Yuki, when I came in he wasn't breathing and dear Hoshiko was crying, I didn't know what to do!"

Eiri held Shuichi closely, "where is Hoshiko?" he asked.

"She's asleep on the couch over there. She is very tired."

* * *

When the news hit the media that the ex- Nittle Grasper had died, There was mass weeping and his fans were despondent for a long time. They begged to be able to attend his funeral. They were granted his wish.

It was Suguru that decided that his cousing should be cremated and spread over te ocean to be one with his beloved mika again.

Suguru, Eiri, Ryuichi, Noriko and K helped spread Tohma out into the ocean waves.

* * *

Back at their apartment Shuichi and Eiri watched over a sleeping Hoshiko. Tohma had left a will in case of an accident, and he had given guardianship over Hoshiko to Shuichi Shindou, He had given Eiri the responsibility of taking care of NG for Hoshiko until she was of age, and he had given him most of his pictures and little mementos and anything that was under Mika's name was now his. To Tatsuha he had left his home in Tokyo. Suguru received his apartment, and a good portion of his stock in other music companies around the world.

Shuichi came closer to Eiri and touched him softly on his arm, " I'm sorry Eiri, You've lost so many people. I'm so sorry!" Shuichi's eyes watered and tears egan to roll down.

Eiri wiped away Shuichi's tears.

" Don't worry Shuichi, I have you to keep me going. However, right now I don't want to talk about it. I don't think I have properly grieved for either Mika or Tohma yet, I have pushed the pain aside and I'll continue doing so until tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll have the strength that fails me right now."

* * *

14 years later….

Hoshiko Seguchi Uesegi-Shindou looked at the parents that had raised her and waved her hands in farewell as she was driven away to college, she would come visit them soon. Eiri and Shuichi were wonderful if overprotective parents and she loved them to pieces.

She looked at the pictured in her purse. There were many pictures, there were the usual goofy ones with Eiri and Shuichi and then there were the traditional portrait picture. Shuichi never did look like himself in those. The last ones were a series of pictures of a young blond man with a black haired woman holding up a little baby, these were the pictures of her real parents. The parents that had given her life. She loved them even though she didn't remember them very well except through stories from Shuichi and Eiri.

The woman in the picture looked just like she did. Long black hair, Medium height, prominent cheekbones, and according to Shuichi the same scary temper! Whenever Hoshiko tried to remember her she heard bright laughter and a joyful face spinning her in the sun. It always brought a smile to her face. Her father the man int the picture, had her eyes, eyes that were discerning eyes that were expressive no matter what the mouth said. When she thought of him she remembered being held tightly and a sad smile.

The past held sadness and joy for Hoshiko, but she still had a future to look forward to.

Tears spilled over, she cried for the future her parents had missed. A breeze blew in through the car's window and softly lingered around her giving comfort. She heard bird chirping outside and she smiled.

* * *

That story was about my life. It is so long ago now that I see it in third person.

My heart gave out that day, but my will to live had given out the day my love died. I only stayed as long as I did for Hoshiko, but I wouldn't have been the father she deserved. I don't mourn for the future I never had with Mika on Earth because now I'm enjoying the present we share here in eternity.


End file.
